Currently Listening Late Night Conversations By The Forecast loosing signal see related

wow

its been so long since i've been on here.

i stopped ana a while ago

but now its back again.

i thought i was ok with myself but the whole time

i knew that i wasn't.

i'm back up to 147.

possibly the heaviest i've ever been and i can't take it.

since friday i've lost three pounds.

all i've been eating the last few days

is monster, which as a lot of calories actually

and i've been smoking myself into a coma.

smoking = loss of appetite.

i didn't even realize that i hadn't eaten

all weekend until this morning.

because i couldn't think of one meal i ate.

i'm such a chain smoker, which is bad

but it really helps with cravings.

tomorrow i have to run the mile in gym

which i'm sooooo out of shape.

but w/e. i have to push myself.

later.

edit.

351 days until i turn 18

351 days until i get my frist tattoo

351 days be as thin as i can be

So the last few days i haven't been doing too well. i've kinda stayed at the same weight. i've been around 140 and now i'm finally getting back down. i'm 138. which  all really sucks because before winter break i was doing SO GOOD. but i'll just have to start focusing myself more. latley or well... the last week i've been really sick. i got a sinus and throat infection and all i could eat for a while was sherbet and soup. i couldn't just not eat because i'm on so much medication that if i don't eat, i get sicker. so i'm just going to have to wait it out. i'm trying to eat a little as possible when to do eat though. i don't want to risk me getting more sick. i've already missed two days of finals.

well girls, stay strong.

think thin.

<3ash

b: 1 egg, and a few TINY pieces of bacon

l: water

d: ramen noodle soup.

total: i have absolutley no idea.

tonight i'm starting a fast at 6. going for as long as possible. maybe 5 days, just to set a goal. liquids only. water. diet soda. etc.

stay strong girls!

<3ashley

so for winter break i went away with my friends family to orlando for a week.

i had such a rough time. they're the kind of people who, if you don't completly clear you plate when you eat, they look at you like your a leper.

i ate lots of salads since i was forced to eat. also, i didn't eat when we were at the different parks because god knows how many calories are in the things they sell there.

so i left weighing 135 to now i'm 139. i feel so gross and fat. its not even funny.

every time i ate, i wanted to throw it all up. i don't do the whole binge/purge thing though. i just can't seem to force myself to do it. i guess that why i'm ana , not mia lol.

so today i got sick and threw up, so i'm home from school, and can pass off the whole 'i feel too sick to eat' for a few days, because ever since i got home my parents have been 'we missed you, lets have a big sit down dinner'

also, my parents started to notice my weight loss before i left. so i would try to eat little things in front of them so they'd think i was eating. then my mother started to be like 'oh you need to watch what you eat'. ggrr. now, when i say 'im not hungry' my parents are like, 'ashley, you need to eat right, starving yourself doesn't accomplish anything' . well, if they only knew.

i really need to find away to get around my parents. i really need to stop eating with them because when i do, i eat SO MUCH. and i can't just skip dinner because then they get all suspicious. any suggestions would be really appriciated.

thanks for your response girls, and stay strong!

<3 ash.

so i'm not really in the mood for a long entry, although none of my past ones have been long either.

CW: 135

intake today: nothing so far

i leave for orlando in eight days and i want to loose some major weight by then. any suggestions?

latley i've been keeping it down to 300-500 cal a day , and drinking lots of water.

well, keep strong and be beautiful

<3. ash